A Public Apology

As I approach my thirtieth year of existence, there’s been a lot of reflection on the 29 years and 300-summat days that have led up to this point.  And with that, it’s led me to come to one primary realization.

I’m an antagonistic cunt.

I have probably ruined a lot of friendships in my life due to my abrasive, acidic attitude.  There are a lot of people that I could probably know a lot better if I could just be a nicer person.  I wouldn’t feel so fucking alone all the time if I were able to conduct myself in a fashion that did not involve being surly and violent, argumentative and disruptive, or drunk and belligerent.  I have spent far too much time developing a persona in which I was a loud, angry asshole because some people thought it was funny, and because (in truth) I am far too insecure to allow people to get to know me very well.  Underneath the haze of alcohol and the constant swearing, I am a very emotionally fragile person.

For my behavior, all I can say is that I’m sorry.

There are likely far too many people that I have caused some level of trouble for me to apologize to everyone personally.  All I can do is post this and hope that it’s read.  I’ll do what I can to adjust, but it won’t be quick nor will it be easy.  But I will be trying to do what I can to be a more reasonable person from now on.